Nightmares, a Funeral, the Gynecologist and God’s Sovereignty

Some days you wake up as one harrassed by dreams. Dreams of your own negligence causing the beautiful Christmas stockings that your mother needlepointed over many years to be eaten by moths and ruined. Dreams of being left in charge of your godson, who happens now to exist (dreamily) as a small bug that will apparently grow into a boy… and that bug disappears into a crack in a wall and it’s your fault that his parents will not likely hold him again.

Or maybe I’m the only one who wakes up agitated by such dreams… and then remembers later that there was another one in which a child was asking me to explain what in the world all these varicose veins on my middle-aged legs are.

Good morning. Hello sunshine. Let’s see what the day holds.

And a quick perusal of the calendar reveals that the day holds a funeral and a visit to the gynecologist.

What do the prayers look like on these days? What gets me beyond Psalm 106:24 (“Then they despised the pleasant land; they did not believe his promise.”) and into Psalm 16:5,6 (“The Lord has assigned me my portion and my cup. He has made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. Surely I have a delightful inheritance.”)? I have no idea how to punctuate that sentence. But issues of punctuation aside, what does get us there, through that transition of “This is not what I had in mind” to “God is good?”

I haven’t transitioned yet today… but Dan Allender’s theologically sound statement (paraphrased) that “prayer is wrestling with God until we surrender to His goodness” is as close as I can get. The Psalms support that — real emotions, real challenges, real disappointments… brought before a real God, whose Reality trumps mine.

It will remain true, even when it doesn’t feel like it. On with the day.

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~ by Cary on June 20, 2008.

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