Home Shopping Network

Whatever you need, you can find it within arm’s-reach of your favorite tv chair… if you live at my house.  Ok, maybe you’ll have to walk up or downstairs.  Or open a closet.  But there’s a great new concept at the Umhau House this year… “shop at home; we probably already own it” (whatever you are hankering for, as Andy Griffith — or Thelma — would say).  This is my version of the “Home Shopping Network,” the real version of which requires a credit card and an 800-number.

I’m undertaking a project, or perhaps it’s more of a spiritual discipline, of “Jubilee” this year — trying to live out the Biblical concept of the ultimate sabbath, which involved redistribution or restitution of land, forgiveness of debts, and letting the land lie fallow.  I’m reinterpreting this somewhat for middle-aged, white, rich, overweight American me — in this my 49th year.

In the spirit of the fallow land, I am attempting to live off of what I already have brought in, hoarded, put up. And believe me, baby, there is plenty here.  More than 48 years’ worth.  An embarrassment (literally!) of riches.

Already four times in the last two days I have shocked a family member by yelling loudly, “Home Shopping Network” when they said they needed something, and then I have taken the unsuspecting person by the hand (at least metaphorically) on a magical mystery tour of the stashes of toothbrushes, of the extra vegetable peelers, of the unread books, of the closets that groan and yell, “there may be extra khakis in here that fit you.”

It’s exhilarating (and depressing).  But it’s a fact: we can shop right here for things we never knew we needed, without having to use the channel finder and without paying for shipping.




... but not for long!

... but not for long!


~ by Cary on January 4, 2009.

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