Greeting Card Revelations

Perusing the selection of greeting cards in a store this morning gave me a depressing snapshot into something… but I’m not sure what.  Maybe it’s only the greeting cards in a car wash gift shop that are limited in nuance.  Remind my loved ones not to buy my birthday present there.

There are two options for sentiments I might want to express: 1) You, birthday person, are disgusting, 2) You, birthday person, should look at something cute and sweet and try to forget about aging.

There is a market for anyone wanting to create alternatives.  There is enough work to do to cure unemployment. Creative types, get on it.

For today the options were:

  • cards that poked fun (is this fun?) at body hair, nose hair, gastrointestinal problems and fat (or any combination thereof)
  • cards that contrasted old women with bikini-clad chicks (or the male version of geezers vs. studs)
  • an inordinate focus on golf and beer for men; shopping, pink drinks and shoes for women
  • aging is seen as an hysterical joke (and cards about it presented as if they were highly original gut-busters)
  • kittens and puppies

I am truly fascinated by the fact that reality seems to be missing.  There don’t seem to be cards for a normal human being who has suffered some, had some joys and successes, is aging (and a bit nostalgic and wistful but mostly taking it all in stride), grateful to be beyond junior high school angst, delighted not to be climbing the ladder to an unknown destination… in other words, delighted to be alive, all things considered, and not obsessively focused on bodily orifices or skin tone.

But seriously, if we can’t skewer the intended recipient of the card with reminders of their mortality (hair, paunch, challenges), we can at least cheer them up with… kittens?!!?

A kitten on a card does not cheer me up.  It screams, “I don’t know you but I thought you would be hap-hap-happy with a baby critter so you don’t have to remember that you are aging.”  Or it screams, “I don’t know what to say to you myself on your birthday because such things are very challenging and I don’t want to put my foot in my mouth and remind you that you are (gasp) older.” Or “I am lazy, and kittens say it all.”

Feast or famine, horror or kittens.  You choose.  Or just text me and save the stamp.

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~ by Cary on August 22, 2009.

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