Gonna Add “Vomit Assault” to My Personal Arsenal — Not!

Wow… I am excited to learn that I’ve got a secret weapon at my disposal, should I ever need it.  I can launch a vomit assault.   Who knew?

I mean I’ve always known I could vomit.  And I’ve always known that there are troublesome situations in the world, irksome people, pesky problems.  I just never linked the two in my mind as question-and-answer, problem-and-solution, cause-and-effect.   A new day is dawning, people.  We have options.

Seriously, there was a lovely story in the Breaking News Blog online at The Washington Post. Don’t let me stop you from rushing over and reading it yourself.

But I do want to say that this is seriously funny — in the abstract.  But not if you were the one covered in puke.  There is nothing funny about being splashed by or covered in vomit.  There is nothing funny about a man trying to take his kids to a Phillies game and having them harrassed by drunk “men.”  And I’m sure there was nothing funny when the assailant realized he had purposely puked on an off-duty police captain.

The idea of a grown man (okay, barely) engaging in premeditated puking is — if not funny — at least bizarre and noteworthy.  And, frankly, also hilarious in an “I shouldn’t be laughing; I don’t want to encourage this sort of thing” way.

Here is the crux of the story but please, I beg you, do not miss the complete news.  It’s just too classy and indicative of where our culture is heading to miss.

Clemmens and his friend were spilling beer, cursing and heckling Vangelo and his daughters from the time they arrived at their seats, according to a statement of facts read in court.

Vangelo’s 15-year-old daughter asked the pair to stop the profanity, and Vangelo complained to security that Clemmens’ friend was spitting, with some of it hitting his 11-year-old daughter, (Assistant District Attorney Patrick) Doyle said.

After the friend was ejected, Clemmens was sitting alone behind the Vangelos when he answered his cell phone and said, “I need to do what I need to do. I’m going to get sick,” the prosecutor said.

Clemmens then put his fingers down his throat and threw up on the father, with some vomit splashing onto Vangelo’s younger daughter, Doyle said.

He then punched the father several times in the head before other fans in the stands subdued him, the prosecutor said. He screamed expletives at the crowd as he was led out of the park, Doyle said.

Naturally alcohol was a contributing factor.  That’s just getting to be par for the course.  Okay, I’m devolving into a second “older woman rant” when I admitted last week that each of us should limit such rants.  I had my first one with Anything Goes, F-Bombs and Older Women.  This is my second.  Menopause may be chasing me cause I am feeling the need to rant.

Anyway, perhaps my favorite part of this story (beyond the assailant telling a friend “I need to do what I need to do.  I’m going to get sick,” of course) is that the family plans to take another outing, beyond their ballpark outing at Citizens Bank Park where this attack occurred, to attend the sentencing of the vomiting offender.  I hope they wear their rain parkas.

~ by Cary on May 25, 2010.

4 Responses to “Gonna Add “Vomit Assault” to My Personal Arsenal — Not!”

  1. I saw this story in the news just after it happened and thought how absurd and disturbing his behavior was. The version I read lacked the detail about what he said before he puked on purpose. I find it … sickening!

  2. my mom always told me if anyone ever attacked me i should make myself throw up. i think she meant in a more violent and scary situation than this, though….

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