Do Prison Matrons Go to Black Tie Dances?

And if they do, what do they wear?  Actually that’s not exactly my dilemma.  I am not a prison matron, if they even have them anymore.

Seriously, my issue is with the clothing industry as it relates to real bodies on real women at the very real age of 50. Actually I’m thinking about the vagaries of women’s clothing in general.

And I have two questions:

  • Do other people have trouble finding something in stores, particularly for dressier occasions, that falls somewhere in the vast space between “looking for trouble” and “prison matron?”  All cleavage and gauzy tightness or, on the other end of the spectrum, grey flannel (maybe it’s the Mad Men influence).
  • Do other people find that last year’s clothes won’t work this year (even if they were still in style) and that their closet is a repository of clothing spanning about five size ranges?  I’ll go and get all outfitted for “come what may” (funeral suit at the ready), and then I’ll lose 10 pounds and have the clothes taken in.  And then I’ll gain 15 pounds and go back to the store and get all outfitted for “come what may” (bigger funeral suit now at the ready).  Aaaggghhh… this is expensive.  And it’s not my favorite way to spend money.

So this week I find myself trying to figure out something to wear to a black tie event, hoping it will show up in my closet without my having to spend money or time looking for it.  Do you think it will happen?

More likely when it’s time to go to the event, I’ll use safety pins or a big scarf, put a smile on, and watch my nearest/dearest reach in the closet and pull out a classic tuxedo that he’s had since 4th grade.  And we’ll have fun.

Eat your hearts out, prison matrons.

Night on the Town (actually an Adams Morgan street scene; does anyone know the artist's name?

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~ by Cary on September 16, 2010.

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