Gray Matter and the Life of Faith

I’d wear black and white buffalo plaid every day of my life, if I were dressing to illustrate what I find most comfortable — black and white.

Instead, I know that life is grey. Or gray.  Apparently either is okay, spelling-wise.  How can that be?  I want even the spelling of “grey” to be black and white.

Today I’m sitting with the tension of following Jesus and wondering about how it can be both/and and not either/or when it comes to “working out our salvation with fear and trembling” and simply “coming unto Jesus whose burden is light and yoke is easy.”

Renewing our minds, taking thoughts captive, praising when we are despairing, believing the truth when our emotions are screaming lies… this is hard work, people.  More than I can bear some days.

I get tempted to be angry with God (okay, what I really mean is I FEEL ANGRY WITH GOD) that it’s so hard… especially when scripture says it’s so easy.  I feel like there is a secret, hidden door with one key on a key ring of thousands of identical keys, and that it’s incumbent on me to struggle to find the right key.  And that until I do, I will be left floundering without a sense of God’s presence, without a clue how to find my way back to the promised fruit that comes from abiding in Him.

And that just isn’t true.  In that we are invited to come to him, to lay down burdens, to find relief, when we admit our poverty of spirit, when we hunger and thirst for God and his righteousness.  We will indeed meet God at the point of our poverty.

Yet we also are told at other times to wrestle like Jacob, to persevere like Paul, to try again like Peter, to wait like David, to believe like Abraham.  Even to die like Jesus.

That’s all hard work (which James says is normal in the life of faith).

And yet we are told to be still and let God fight for us, to be still and know he is God.

Ah, the life of faith.  It’s a mystery sometimes.  It’s a both/and.  It’s a gray/grey matter.

It isn’t black and white.  And sometimes I wish it were.  I’m just admitting it.

~ by Cary on February 23, 2011.

One Response to “Gray Matter and the Life of Faith”

  1. Love ALL of you:-). That is, the black, the white, and the gray. That would be a GREAT movie title, wouldn’t it:-)?

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